We're NEXT!!!!

Referrals came out today and the CCAA has referred children to families with LID's to Feb. 28th, 2006. This means that we are NEXT, yes there is no guessing or worrying or wondering (unless they have lost our dossier, given us the wrong day etc etc) because we WILL have a picture and information about our child in the next month. Can't quite believe it.
WOOHOOOOO!!!!! The party can start today...

Thoughts...

This came in my "Daily Wisdom News" by Liisa Coffey this morning. I thought that it was appropriate for today. I then realized that it is another LIDversary when I looked at our "meter" on the front page. Hmnn, yes we are getting somewhat closer but it is easier to think of everything being far away. We are also grieving the loss of my wonderful, gentle and kind Father-in-Law and I only write that here because my Brother-in-Law said that with one life ending another should be in our arms sooner than later. I love the idea of Ivan taking care of our girl and guiding her to us. We are searching for answers for so many questions and these pearls of wisdom resonated with me today.

Searching
"What we seek we do not find - that would be too trim and tidy for so reckless and opulent a thing as life. It is something else we find."-Susan Glaspell, The Morning Is Near Us, 1939

The journey is filled with twists and turns and all kinds of surprises. That's what keeps life interesting. Whatever it is that we seek, we end up finding so much more than we ever could have anticipated. Those unexpected treasures we come across give meaning, and significance, to our experience.-Lissa Coffey

My new obsession...

Well, it isn't really all that new but I am obsessed with trying to figure out how to be a one income family. I am reading a number of financial planning books, have my list of blogs that I read regularly and have tried to work out a plan. In preparation, I bumped up our mortgage payments to the legal limit set by our lender, I bumped up our monthly RRSP contributions, I have set up an ING savings account for an "emergency fund" and we have stopped eating out (which we did about twice a week). Ok, so we have also tried to put together a budget that looks like we are only living on one income HOWEVER we do have many disagreements stemming from this process. We do have debt and our adoption savings were depleted recently when we had to attend to a family emergency. Ughhh. Any thoughts about how to do this successfully without conflict in your marriage?

100 Good Wishes Quilt and a dream...

So for posterity, I am recording here that I began sewing Isabel's quilt today. At least I think it is Isabel's. There was a surprise referral of a beautiful baby boy this month to a family in my February DTC group. They have to redo everything in the nursery etc but they are thrilled. I have 53 squares sewn together and Shawn and I were discussing the backing. Fortunately, most of our squares are not gender specific however the squares that I sent out and consequently the fabric that we are going to use for the backing is pink with butterflies and hearts. Oh well, I might have to wait until we have our referral to do the backing...
In other news, I have been feeling very low since the last referral batch because of our spot in line. It is hard to explain but I have said it so many times - the closer you get, the harder the wait seems to become. Anyway, the other night I was having trouble sleeping so I took a Ty.len.ol P.M. and had wild dreams. One dream was about our referral. We received the photos, a video and the regular information but our daughter appeared to be about 4 years old as she danced around. We were thrilled and excited and in China when we realized that this wasn't a referral for our daughter at all but a child that we were sponsoring through an agency. Talk about devastated. We turned around and went home without our child, hopes dashed. Yes, it is definitely harder the closer you get...

6 days...

It looks as though the cut off for the latest batch of referrals is Feb. 15th - they did 6 days. That leaves 13 days ahead of us and Feb. 28th is a big day. I am hoping, meditating, praying to the Gods and sending thoughts to the universe that we will have our referral in December... It is REALLY hard to be this close and yet so very very very very far away from our daughter. She is on this earth and we think of her all the time, hoping that she is receiving our love and thoughts that we send her every day. We know that Anita and Benji's little angels as well as our Grandma's are watching over her, making sure that she is safe, warm and has a full belly.
Colleen said something that really made me think yesterday. She said that it just sucks that I don't have a big belly for people to fawn over and take care of. No one gets up for me on the bus - teehee, BUT they also don't understand how difficult (I can't think of a word that will adequately describe the roller coaster of the adoption world) it is to go through this emotionally. It takes a toll. Luckily we have a strong marriage and strong friendships which have carried us through - not to mention a little wine and chocolate on the side!! I hope that in two short months, I will be posting a photo of Isabel here...

Happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival

Hope that you are all enjoying your mooncakes!!!!!!! I am off to the grocery store to buy some- we like the nut kind!!

Wow, its been a while OR From the mouths of babes...

So, it has been a while but we have gone through two more LIDversaries and there are now ONLY 19 days of LID referral days ahead of us. Who KNOWS how long it will take to get through these days, especially since according to a number of sources, Feb. 28th, 2006 was a big day for LID's. November is my wishful thinking, December is a possibility and January - well you know where this is going. I have to say though, that seeing people in my February group receive their referrals has been an incredible "pick me up" and somewhat of a reality check!!

In other news my niece and nephew along with my Mom were out to visit from Ontario in August. I keep thinking of Emma's question "Why is Isabel in China?" Our brother-in-law does quite a bit of travelling for his business and he was in China last spring. Emma just couldn't fathom why her Daddy didn't just pick Isabel up for us and bring her home. I WISH!!!!!!!! For a child who doesn't understand how babies are created yet, this is a real dilemma!! We had some answers but I found that for an intelligent 6 year old, the stock answer "because Isabel is Chinese and that is where she was born. We must wait to get the OK to go and get her from the Chinese government because she is Chinese. We have to have the official papers to take her to Canada but right now she is living in an orphanage with nannies" wasn't enough. She wanted to know why Isabel was born there, why she couldn't stay with her Mommy and Daddy etc etc. It was a difficult discussion that kept coming up but one I believe, will be part of our lives once Isabel is home and I want to have better answers for her and her cousin...Sigh.

Now, I must dig my head out the "waiting parent" sand and start to brush up on everything that I was soooo into reading two years ago. Luckily, our library is a wonderful resource. Oh and I have to say Happy Birthday Mom!!!!!!!! It was great to chat with you today. Love you!!!